Category: Empowerment Tools

The Power Of Soft Answers

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. —Proverbs 15:1

Read Proverbs 15: 1-4

My car broke down in a tunnel during rush hour in downtown Boston. Angry drivers expressed their frustration as they struggled past me. Eventually, the car was towed to a station for repairs. Later it broke down again, stranding me along the Interstate at 2 a.m. Back to the shop it went.

Unfortunately, the repair shop also doubled as a parking lot during Red Sox baseball games. When I arrived after work the next day to pick up my car, it was hemmed in by 30 other vehicles!

Let’s just say I was less than Christlike in my initial reaction. I ranted and raved, and then, realizing it was only making them less willing to help me at the close of their day, I decided to give up. I stormed toward the glass doors and struggled to get them open. My anger increased when the station workers laughed at me.

I had barely made it out when I realized how unlike Christ I’d been. Chastened, I rapped on the locked doors and mouthed “I’m sorry” to the staff inside. They were stunned! They let me back in, and I meekly told them that Christians shouldn’t behave as I had. Minutes later, they were shifting cars to free up mine. I learned the truth that soft rather than harsh words can change circumstances (Prov. 15:1).

O may I find in anger’s grip
The strength to temper tongue and lip;
But failing that, may God grant me
The courage for apology. —Kilgore
A soft answer has often been
the means of breaking a hard heart.
Link: Our Daily Bread

“Make Me Happy!” – Crosswalk The Devotional – Sept. 12, 2011

True love finds its beginnings when two human beings make a free will commitment to a good, the greatest good being God.

Make Me Happy!
Sarah Jennings, Crosswalk.com Family Editor

We love, because he first loved us.
1 John 4: 19

I have a confession. I’m a Bachelor addict. You know, the ABC reality show where they set one man up with 25 potential matches? Yes, I keep up with it.

Honestly, this show was cathartic for me during my crazy dating days. It reminded me that perhaps I wasn’t the only one struggling with romantic love. And it also provided plenty of object lessons on what not to do in the quest for a spouse.

Sadly, in spite of the show’s goal to offer eligible bachelors a chance at lasting love, very few couples make it to the altar. You can blame the elaborate set or the pressure created by the roses, but I think the reason the couples have little success is because the show is founded on commonly held, yet flawed, beliefs about love.

Like so many of us out here in the real world, love on the Bachelor is usually equated to the giddy, mushy, feelings of infatuation. Time and again, the Bachelor expresses the fairy tale notion that they want to find someone who “completes them” or makes them feel happy. They spend hours interviewing and wooing these women then agonizing over eliminations at the famous rose ceremonies in their efforts to find the one woman who will make them happy forever.

But what happens after the final rose when these giddy feelings of personal “completeness” fade? When flaws and hardships overwhelm their early romance? This is when so-called “love” fades for most couples. And we just can’t figure out what went wrong.

In his book Love & Responsibility, Fr. Wojtyla explains these perplexing relationship failures. He explains that this notion that we’re supposed to find someone to “complete us” is off course. You see, when we date a person with the primary goal of experiencing pleasure – or a sense of “fulfillment” – we’re actually using that person. Sure, we may like the person. But we’re still using them as a means to our end, our pleasure. And using a person is the opposite of loving them.

Not only does using a person fail to nurture true love, but Fr. Wojtyla insists that the “pleasure approach” is impractical because it is very difficult to predict who will bring us the maximum amount of personal pleasure long-term (I think the Bachelors would agree here!). Thus begins the cycle of serial monogamy as we hop from one high to the next.

So how do we find true love if we can’t just look for the person who gives us the biggest high? It’s not that we shouldn’t enjoy our mates. Quite the contrary. But we need to start off on a different foot. Fr. Wojtyla shares that true love finds its beginnings when two human beings make a free will commitment to a good, the greatest good being God. He writes, “Love… is conditioned by the common attitude of people towards the same good, which they choose as their aim, and to which they subordinate themselves.”

 

Why does this work? In joining another for good, the focus becomes less, “What can you do for me?” (which is self-centered) to “What can we do together to serve God?”

Intersecting Faith & Life: Are you frustrated with your spouse? Do you feel like he or she is not doing enough to make you happy? Pray about ways to resolve your feelings of discontent. If you are both believers, pray about ways you can serve God as a couple.

Further Reading

1 Cor 13
Why Are Today’s Parents So Unhappy? by Albert Mohler

Girlfriends in God – September 12, 2011

When we scratch the itch of temptation, the itch does not diminish. To the contrary, it increases.

September 12, 2011
Don’t Scratch That Itch!
Gwen Smith

Today’s Truth
“When tempted, no one should say, ‘God is tempting me.’ For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed” (James 1:13-14 NIV).

Friend To Friend
I once woke up with a spider bite that was the size of a quarter. It may as well have been the size of North Carolina for as much as it itched! I was half-tempted to scratch off my arm. That nasty bite was just begging to be scratched. However, I have learned a thing or two in my thirty-something years, and one thing I know for sure: it is best not to scratch this type of itch.

It would be like opening a bag of chips with the naive intention of eating only one (yeah, right!) I knew that if I started scratching my bug bite, it would be nearly impossible to stop.  I would regret having ever started.

Super-itchy bug bites are a lot like temptations. Temptations are itchy! The call on us with urgent voices that scream, “Scratch me!  Scratch me!”  Yet, in all reality, a little scratch will not satisfy temptation’s itch at all…it will just make matters worse. When we scratch the itch of temptation, the itch does not diminish. To the contrary, it increases.

The Bible teaches us that when we resist temptation, our faith is then mobilized and the muscles of our character are strengthened. Let’s look at what that looked like for a guy named Joseph. (For the full account, pause here and read Genesis 39.)

Joseph was a man of integrity who did right in the eyes of the Lord, but he definitely faced some temptation! He was seduced by temptation in the form of his master’s wife, Mrs. Potiphar. You see, Mrs. Potiphar wanted her husband’s right-hand man to sleep with her, and she pursued him with aggression. Hers was a hand-delivered invitation for Joseph to sin that had itchy written all over it.  But he flat-out refused. His heart was determined to honor God.

“My master has withheld nothing from me except you, because you are his wife.  How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?” Though she spoke to Joseph day after day, he refused to go to bed with her or even be with her (Genesis 39:9-10).

Temptation chased Joseph relentlessly. Oh, how he must have longed for the itching to stop! To give in would be sinful. To give in was simply not an option for this young man of character. So on the day that Potiphar’s wife caught him by the cloak and begged again for Joseph to sleep with her, Joseph ran out of the house. He ran from that tempting situation as fast as his legs would carry him.

God was honored in Joseph’s response.

He ran from temptation.

We would be wise to do the same.

What do you need to run from today? Have you determined in your heart to honor God in everything? Temptation comes in all shapes and sizes.  It might be calling your name from your pantry – or from your computer – or from a bottle – or from another cubicle in your office.  What temptations do you face today?  Name them and run the other way! Don’t scratch that itch! Determine in your heart that you will choose the path that brings honor to God, and call on Him for strength.

I realize that dealing with temptation is not easy. When that nasty spider bit my arm, I struggled not to scratch the bite. I had to re-direct my thinking to persevere through the temptation. When we come face to face with temptations, God’s strength is always available to us. We need God’s strength. Ours will fail us. Friend, when we resist temptation, we get to experience the peace and protection of God, our faith is mobilized and the muscles of our character are strengthened.

Let’s Pray
Dear Lord, I need You so much. I constantly find myself being dragged away and enticed by temptation. Please give me strength to run the other way, and give me the wisdom to run to Your arms. I want to be a woman of godly character. Help me be that woman!
In Jesus’ Name,
Amen.

Now It’s Your Turn
Contemplate the following questions: What have you been dragged away and enticed by in the past? How did you respond? How have you grown from those experiences?

Though our sovereign God allows trials to enter our lives, He does not ever tempt us.  (James 1) Tuck that truth in your heart today, and the next time you experience a temptation – great or small – recognize that the enemy is behind the allure.  Then tell him to get behind you and pray that Jesus will re-direct your thinking.

Read and memorize Psalm 105:4: “Look to the LORD and His strength; seek His face always.”

More From The Girlfriends
I wish my temptations were always as simple as the itch of a pesky little bug bite!  But, of course, they are not.  Each of us will encounter some real whoppers in our lives. James chapter one tells us that when we persevere through trials and temptations, one rewards is maturity. That really encourages me!  I hope it encourages you as well.

NEED ENCOURAGEMENT? Allow this song to lift your heart to God’s. Turn your speakers up, click over to my Facebook page at: www.Facebook.com/GwenSmithMusic and listen to TAKE MY HEART CAPTIVE.

If this devotion resonated with you and if you would like to learn more about how your brokenness can be reworked into a picture of God’s beauty, don’t miss Gwen’s book Broken Into Beautiful. Every step of transformation begins with the heart of God. Broken into Beautiful will take you there. To orderBroken Into Beautiful, go to Amazonor, for a signed copy, visit Gwen’s website: www.gwensmith.net.

LOVE MUSIC? Check out Gwen’s new CD, Uncluttered. The songs of Uncluttered are purposed to sweep you away from life-noise and to focus your heart and mind on the one thing that matters: your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Seeking God?
Click here to find out more about
how to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

Girlfriends in God
P.O. Box 725
Matthews, NC 28106
info@girlfriendsingod.com
www.girlfriendsingod.com

Click here to learn more about hosting a Girlfriends in God conference in your area or having one of the GiGs speak at your next women’s event.

Health Hazard

Forgiveness isn’t optional in the Christian life – Regardless of what’s done to us, our responsibility is always to forgive.

Health Hazard

“Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you… forgive him.” —Luke 17:3 (NKJV)

Forgiveness isn’t optional in the Christian life. Regardless of what’s done to us, our responsibility is always to forgive.

Even as we read this, there’s something deep within our soul that wants to resist. “I understand God wants me to forgive people, and for the most part I do. But surely He doesn’t expect me to forgive so-and-so.”

If we’re completely honest, some things just seem too far over the line to be forgiven. And yet, God consistently calls us to forgive, no matter what. Why is that? Why doesn’t God categorize certain things as being unforgivable, the way we tend to?

Part of the reason is because He understands we do a lot of damage to ourselves when we don’t forgive. When we adopt an unforgiving attitude, it inevitably turns into bitterness and resentment. Someone once remarked, “Bitterness in the believer is like a bullet in the body.”

There’s a lot of truth to that. It becomes poisonous to our spiritual system, and forgiveness is the only way to flush it out and be free from it.

The Lord’s command to forgive is also a warning against not forgiving. He loves us dearly, and wants only what’s best for us. And what’s best for us is a heart that’s free and clear of the bitterness that corrodes our soul.

So if you haven’t forgiven someone for something he or she has done to you, forgive the person today. Regardless of the circumstances. Remember, if you fail to forgive, you’re hurting yourself. Anything short of forgiveness is hazardous to your spiritual health.

Bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. Colossians 3:13 (NKJV)

small group time:::

THINK ABOUT IT… What does this passage reveal to me about God?

What does this passage reveal to me about myself?

Based on this, what changes do I need to make?

What is my prayer for today?

My Personal Do’s and Don’ts for Networking

 Feel free to share this post with your socia network and inner circle of family, friends, associates and co-workers:  http://tiny.cc/7pfim

Wrice Write

Face-to-Face is STILL a powerful networking tool!

Clyde Anderson, who is a phenomenal finacial guru, author, and Cass Tech High School Alum, posed a question on Facebook saying:  Preparing for a great Black Enterprise Conference starting today here in Atlanta and some great networking as always! I’d love to hear your networking etiquette rules, tips or tactics? What are the do’s and don’ts of effective networking?

So here is what I presented to him.  These are the things I have learned along the way.  These has helped me build a powerful networking circle and gained friends along the way.  Sometimes, I just amaze myself! LOL  I feel a book coming on…

Do’s

1) Once you get the person’s information, keep in contact! 

2) Be engaged in the person’s conversation. My favorite saying, keep your ears open and your mouth shut. Let them talk and then you speak when necessary.

3) Help once another out when needed. Sometimes it’s best to give than receive.  I know it sounds crazy, but it works!  I raised my children to give back and volunteer because you never know where it will lead you.  It’s always good to give back!

4) Image is everything!  First impressions are still a BIG DEAL!  When you walk through the door, you want people to say, “Oooh, I want to  meet that person!”  And please smile when you walk through the door… it’s inviting and draws people.

5) Oh my goodness… pleeeeeeeeeeeeease have plenty of business cards!  I learned that on the campaign trail! LOL It is so very important! 

6) Sit with people you don’t know.  This was hard for me to do at one point in time, but I met some wondersful people by doing this!!! 

7)  Oh, get to an event early, of course.

8 ) Introduce yourself to everyone in the room, if you can.  You might luck on a good connection!!! 

9) I can’t express this enough, while networking, be an information tool!  Always, offer information to the person.  They will want to keep in contact with you. 

10) While LISTENING to the person, find a common interest.  That’s a good way of making a solid connection that will lead to a good working relationship.  Works for me everytime!!!  There’s more, but I will leave it at 10.  Now to the Don’ts…

Don’ts

1) Do not interrupt people when they are talking. That is so rude and can ruin a possible good working relationship. Remember, as I told Andre, keep your ears open and your mouth shut when talking with people.

2) Don’t get the Danny Krane (correct spelling “Denny Crane”) syndrome. Just introduce yourself. Don’t throw in any titles, that will come when asked or given the opportunity. No one doesn’t want someone to come up to them and say, “Hi, my name is Ann Somebody, VP of Whocares!”. LOL

3) Do not, I repeat, do not spend a lot of time with one person. You are working the room trying to meet as many people as you can so you can build up your network. It’s hard, but there are ways to be respectful and keep moving through the room.

4) Don’t be scurred. I had the problem and a demon I am still fighting. Be confident. It’s rewarding in the end.

5) One thing is a pet peeve of mines is for someone to walk up to a person and so, “So what do you do?” Nooo Nooo Nooo! Start off with a chatty conversation and then the opportunity will come to share what you do. And don’t ask what their mate do. OMG! That is no no! LOL

6) Ok, business cards are great, but don’t get in the “How many business cards I can get” phase. “Conversations and Cards” go together, that’s what I always say. Leave a memorable impression. Face-to-Face Communication is still key in any relationship.

7) I never will never forget when I was at my first event and I wasn’t prepared, I said and wrote down my number/information. TACKY! LOL So you know what I did, got me some business cards. That’s what their purpose it. USE THEM!

I can go on, but I will leave it at that. I hope these were helpful. :-)

For more information on Clyde Anderson, please check out the below links:

Feel free to use my postings, but give credit where credit is due please.   :-)